27 September 2009

"i cant wait to hate you"

i still find myself wondering how i got myself in so deep with her..people are walking in and out of the room so im trying not to cry..plus im not in the mood to cry honestly. i wish that it were physically possible for me to turn off my emotions and forget everything thats happend dealing with her for the past few months.. for the first time, i actually gave someone all of me..every part and even parts that i didnt show the last woman that i was in love with.. sadly enough --yes, i was in love with you.. and i hate myself ..I shouldve listened when people told me to turn away.. I shouldve known that even the slightest thing to happen and you'd up and leave..my sisters keep telling me that everything is going to be okay..that eventually the pain will subside but im in dire need of it to be over now.. I cant handle this anymore ... part of me feels like ive died..

so everyone is sitting around me..ive got to end this before i end up in tears..
but i swear.. i cant wait for the day that i can see your face and be okay..hear your
name and not even flinch.. listen to random songs and not feel so much pain..I cant
wait to hate you..

25 September 2009

For Stephanie

you asked me to write something for you; here it is.

"ive seen so many times
written so many lines
and here we are
back at one
many nights ive cried for you
cried to you
and yet my arm still swings open wide for you
our love runs deeper than any vein
no words placed in any dictionary could define
and as long as air flows freely through me
you'll always have me
and here i'll always be"

free --

the chains that once held me closely to the ground
the "love" that once kept me bound
im free
finally free

19 September 2009


i feel myself slipping further and further away
not knowing when i'll return
knowing that this is where im destined to be

wanting my questions to be answered
trying to find the words to form them

and if only you were here to help
then maybe i wouldnt be so lost

my words would become a symphony
and together we'd dance to their music

15 September 2009

Day 5 -

"..You forgot about the house, you forgot about the ring
I remember everything, I just wanna hear you sing
I remember the love, right after the fights
You can't tell me you don't remember those nights
and if I would cry, then you would cry twice
To me you are the brightest star under sunlight
See take away my title, take away my stripes
You give me back my girl and you give me back my life
Give me back my girl and you give me back my life
See this is just a nightmare, so I blink twice
Open up my eyes hopin' she'd be in my sight
I remember the time, I wish I could bring it back
What she mean to me, is what I mean to rap.."

-"something you forgot" by Lil Wayne

14 September 2009

it was a good day -

my son came home.
i worked alittle past time for me to get off.
she actually spoke to me for longer than 5mins.
i made amends with my estranged babymama.
i downloaded some new music.


all in all..it was a good day.

10 September 2009

i think i died.

every part of my body
from my mind to my eyes
my hips to my spine
and everything in between just gave out

my breathing stopped
my life flashed before me
and for a few minutes..
i think i died.

09 September 2009

I came home to.

An apartment full of love
but yet a room so cold
almost bare
and for some reason I liked the thought
finally being alone
being able to breathe
be free from the jar that I was trapped inside of for so long
So I smiled
sipped some water from my bottle
crawled onto my air matress
underneath my hello kitty covers
and slept the hardest that ive slept in years.

And for that I have you to thank..your spite is only fuel for me to push myself
futher than ive ever pushed..one day someone will stumble across my page
and of course they'll call you with my words; as you both laugh about this, i'll
already be on my come-up.