26 November 2009

Happy Thanksgiving --

I could sit here and talk about all of the things that went wrong this year..talk about my heartbreaks and the ones ive left heartbroken but ive decided to just say this--

Im one blessed individual and for the ones that helped me learn who I was this year
I thank you..and for the ones that I left behind..well..I dont really have much to say
to you..lol.. Im just greatly to make it to another Thanksgiving.

Stay up folks!

The rebuilding has begun -- inny. =)

19 November 2009


okay so, its kind of strange how every woman that ive dated over the past few years are ALL in a relationship..lol..thats not what I was going to write about but it WAS a random thought that just popped into my mind.

Im still working on my job situation. Yes I am still employed with victoria's secret BUT ive got to find something new because theyre just not doing it for me anymore. I applied for an assistant manager's position at another retail store that im going to refrain from naming, as well as, applying for a job with the census. Im keeping my fingers crossed and leaving my job situation up to God because I know that he's going to make a way and take care of me.

All and all..I have a really good feeling about twenty ten..

18 November 2009

as you can see --

im trying to catch up on my blogging..lol..i def. didnt realize that it had been
since last month when i actually wrote something. ive had alot on my mind
but not enough time to write. ive actually got to run for a few...so i'll keep
you guys posted..my story is never over..


i apologize -

To you-

where do i begin? we've known each other for some years now. dated briefly and now have no ties what so ever. i know that im to blame for our current situation and thats why im writing this; in hopes that maybe one day you'll read this and hopefully forgive me. you see, noone is
perfect and im still young. im aware that i was extremely selfish for the things that i did; only
thinking of myself and barely thinking of your heart and how you would feel. you loved me in
ways that i could never love myself and thats what scared me..well part of it. i believe that
something in me loved you more than anyone that ive ever loved but i could never love you
the same way you loved me. you loved me too strongly..too much..too hard..and i still to this
day, i dont know why you felt the way you did about me.

i miss the little things. us taking random trips to wherever we wanted to go..the inside jokes..
the way you'd look at me..how when i was sick, you'd take care of me until you started getting
sick yourself..any blind person could see that you were damn perfect and here i was taking
advantage of your love for me. i refuse to say that i never loved you ..simply because i know
that that would be a lie..i did love you..part of me still does..but I guess i just wanted to let you
know this..

im not trying to get back in your good graces because im pretty sure that youre fine without me
in your life but simply that i recognize that i was and have been wrong. i apologize. and hopefully
one day, we'll be able to be friends.


Kiss my pain away--

she says she wants to be the one for me..the beginning to the end and everything in between..she says she loves me..i think she loves the idea of having a beautiful woman
on her arm..but the thing that drives the hell out of me is the fact that she doesnt get it.

it can be so easy for one to move forward when they were never in love in the first place
but for someone that actually was in love, its harder. am i still in love? -im not sure. do i
still love her? -yes i do. do i want to get back together with her? -no. because after all of
the underhanded things that ive heard that she's done behind my back, i dont and refuse
to trust a person like that. was i perfect? -damn near. with 1 slight situation; if i couldve
used my words wiser, i wouldve.

id love to be able to let someone kiss my pain away but the truth is, my wall is up and
heavily guarded. im sure thats why she called me bitter [laughs]. im having to relearn
who i am to get back to my happy place. i hate how badly this has affected me and the
fact that im unable to just be like "fuck this-she's moved on..so will I..". its quite sad
honestly but i know that my day will come.